Hello everyone I apologise for not being the most active as of late with regards reviewing products and blogging in general. As you may be aware I am currently undergoing treatment (very, very strong medications) for my illness and they are causing some pretty unpleasant symptoms. I promised myself and you lovelies that I would be open and honest throughout my entire journey with illness. That I would not be afraid to document the various challenges I myself and others go through on a daily basis. I am hoping that my honesty may strike a chord with some of you and will hopefully make you feel not so alone in your suffering and pain. Maybe it might bring about a sense of understanding.
Illness can be very gruelling and having recently discovered myself, the treatment for that illness can make you feel ten times worse. More than you ever could have ever imagined. It can quite literally feel like you have taken ten steps back at times. Don’t worry, I’m not here to preach or deflate you. I’m here to simply reassure you and to let you know that it’s ok to feel absolutely terrible sometimes. Feeling awful, although unpleasant isn’t necessarily a bad thing. For me and many of you out there it means the medication we are taking is working, we are responding to it. Although it can feel quite violent at times it means it’s actually doing its job. It is seeking out and killing all the bad boys in our bodies. What is making me feel so awful right now is due to the particular type bacterial infection I have. When it is being killed, it releases harmful toxins into the blood. The body can not get rid of these toxins quick enough so they build up and make you literally feel like death warmed up. The scientist in me had to step forward and look at it from a logical point of view when the rest of me was an emotional wreck. When you look at it logically it makes a lot of sense but when your feeling so deflated and distraught all logic goes out the window.
It can be so hard to find that inner strength when there is this massive war going on inside of you. My infection isn’t localised to one particular area. It spread throughout my entire body and wormed its way into every nook and cranny. If you could only see me now I look like Quasimodo gone wrong. All my joints are swollen, i’ve rashes all over my body and I’m really bloated up everywhere. I am so hot right now ha ha. The nausea and dizziness are the worst symptoms for me as it makes me feel nervous to get up and walk around as I am scared I will hit the floor at any moment. It is quite astounding really the power medication has on the body and also the knowledge some bacterial infections have to be able to do so much damage.
I wrote this very honest post for you not to feel sorry or to pity me but to let others know they are not alone in their battle. I understand their pain and frustration. It is important during these difficult times to feel that you can lean on your nearest and dearest for support. It is also ok to cry your eyes out to help release those frustrations built up inside. Sometimes I don’t know if I have any strength left inside of me to keep fighting but I find a good cry and a good talk with someone close telling them honestly how I am feeling really helps a lot. I don’t know if it is a sense of releasing some of that built up pain or physically hearing the words leave your lips that makes you understand it a bit better. It somehow doesn’t feel so suffocating. The most important thing I can tell you is to learn to put you and your needs first. This is in no means being selfish. It quite simply is your survival instinct kicking in. Like you would listen to your gut feeling about something you should listen to your body too. If it means you have to remain horizontal for days/weeks then so be it. You do whatever your body needs at any given time. Be kind and gentle to yourself and always know that I am here rooting for you.
With all my 💕