Happy hump day everybody. To be honest days have lost all meaning to me at present. One day pretty much rolls into the next following the exact same pattern. I’m finding this new round of treatment and meds really tough. I’ve one week of twelve completed but finding this round much tougher than the last. That might have something to do with the increase in dosage and multiple supplements thrown into the mix. It really can feel so overwhelming and demoralising at times. The very act of taking twelve odd pills a day can also be a challenge in itself. I have mastered swallowing six tablets at once now. Sure we must do something to keep us entertained.
For anyone else out there going trough treatment, I really feel your pain and frustration. I have been pretty much cradled in the foetal position over the past few days barely able to lift my head off the pillow. I’m trying to keep my stress levels in check but this move is really adding to them. Moving house sucks. There i said it 😂. To be honest lots of things suck at the minute. Do you ever have the desire to climb to the top of a mountain and scream out every profanity under the sun at the top of your lungs? Or is that just me?.
I have to admit the only person who is really keeping me sane at the moment is my hubby. He really is my voice of reason amongst all this craziness. When your ill both your physical and mental health can take one hell of a bashing. It is so important to recognise that your body and mind exist in conjunction with each another. It is also very important to recognise how you are feeling be it sad, lonely or frustrated to name but a few.
Having an outlet of expressing those feelings is as important as taking medication. My personal stress release of choice is crying. Not just a few sobs here and there but genuine gasps and tears from the deepest pits of my stomach. There is no shame in crying and it most definitely is not a sign of weakness. To be frank I’m pretty sure my head would explode if I didn’t cry. Everyone has an outlet that best works for them it is just a matter of trying to find which one works for you.
There is also no right or wrong way to deal with all of this. What I have learned the most is to listen to your body. I mean really take time to stop and listen. You’d be surprised with what it can tell you. Both your physical and mental health is truly precious. Having experienced problems with both of mine over the past few years, I like to think that i could give some of you going through this a voice and possibly some hope and encouragement. I hope by sharing my own personal struggles it might somehow shed some light on how you might be feeling or help you recognise the signs and symptoms. Illness doesn’t discriminate. It just won’t wait or be pushed aside to deal with at a later date. That’s what makes it so grounding. It can completely and utterly throw your whole life upside down but I’m here to help you through it as best I can. Afterall doctors, psychiatrists etc can only do so much. The other work is down to you and support from others who are going or have gone through it.
I hope to post weekly updates on how I am getting on and the many obstacles I face on a daily basis. Feel free to comment below or PM me with your own personal story. I will never judge and everything you say to me is strictly confidential. The reasoning behind the title of this post, a message from my beating heart is due to a current unpleasant symptom I am having. I don’t know if it’s to do with my illness, treatment or stress levels but I’ve been getting very weak spells with awful heart palpitations. This can be very scary and is different to any panic attack I’ve ever experienced. I suppose in one way it shows I have a heart lol.
With love from me